Friday, May 27, 2011

Choose

I remember.  I remember how crazy things were after Charley Kate was born.  I never got a moment.  I felt completely spent at the end of every day and didn't know where the energy was going to come from the next day.  Things felt out of control and totally overwhelming.  The kids were going through their own adjustments and not making good choices and I felt incredibly inadequate.  Well, here I am again.  Things are crazy.  We have moments in the day where I think, "I've got this!  No problem."  Literally the next minute the baby wakes up, Charley Kate is screaming to be held, Suzannah just pushed Molly Beth and Jack needs something to drink yesterday!  I have been really having a hard time with self control.  Self control in terms of not yelling at my kids to keep it down so that I can get the baby to sleep.  Self control in terms of not saying unproductive things out of frustration.  Self control in terms of not thinking negative thoughts.  When I am tired and overwhelmed I have the most trouble.  So I am finding myself needing to ask myself daily, hourly, "who am I going to serve? God or my flesh?"  These crazy days will come to an end and things will be more in control.  We'll be back into a routine and the kids will feel more secure and there will be less bickering and loudness seeking attention.  But until things settle down I MUST consciously ask who I'm choosing to serve.  It's not easy to deny myself, but it's important.  I am their example!!!!  They look to me so see what spiritual maturity looks like and spiritual maturity can only come about by intentionally choosing to serve God.  If I want my children to grow into mature, fruitful adults then I must show them what it looks like!

3 comments:

Life with the Akin Clan said...

That is soo hard to do! Abi recently told me she is an angry person because I am such an angry person. Ouch! So we are working on that together!

Marie said...

Thank you for the reminder. I need to ask myself that daily...it's the end of the school year, so I am tired and feeling on the edge. I notice when I snip at the kids they react the same way, which I can sometimes find myself getting on to them, when I need the heart re-adjustment. Prayers being offered for you!

Dixie said...

bless

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