Thursday, February 17, 2011

Becoming the Family We Want To Be: Conclusion

I've shared about how the first two really big changes we made to help "fix" our family after a very difficult spell were creating family unity through being more tuned into the kids and focusing on a family cause.  The second was getting the kids and myself back into better habits.  I had to start paying attention to them and being more consistent with my expectations of them.
The last component for us was fun!  Traditions, fun, trips, things that make being in this family good.  It’s not ALL work.  It’s not ALL chores.  There are lots and lots of fun and exciting things happening.  I wanted our home to resume an air of joy.  This means that I had to plan ahead.  I had to figure out what things we would be doing, how and when.  I decided that planning the next month in the current month was the best for me.  In remembering that the whole point of all of these changes was to bring about family unity I wanted to focus on things that would bring us closer together rather than just spoil the kids.  I wanted activities that were special b/c we were together enjoying each other and building relationships but I didn’t want to create an expectation of entertainment.  Does that make sense?  So I prayed and thought about what we needed.  We saw a big need in the kids for more one on one time with us.  We decided that the first week of the month Suzannah would be the “star”.  Ha!  That week she would get to eat lunch out w/ just her Daddy.  Special one on one time is very important to her.  She also gets to stay up late one night and play WII or a game w/ mommy and daddy.  On the weekend, if Billy has to run a quick errand, the kiddo who's week it is gets to go.  I let them suggest some meals they would like to eat that week.  Little things like that.You get the idea.  It’s a time where we give them, some focused attention.  The second week we do a few special things w/ Molly Beth that meet some of her needs.  And the third for Jack.  It’s not the same for every child.  They are each different and need different things from us.  They know that their week is coming up and are able to be happy for their sibling when it’s their turn.  It's a great time to make sure their love bank is filled up!
Another thing  I do is plan one special fun thing each month.  We tend to get so caught up in all the stuff that needs to be done around the property and the house that we just hadn't been making the time for something special.  This does NOT always involve going somewhere!!!  But it is ALWAYS special and out of the ordinary.  We continue to have movie night and keep and make as many traditions as we can.  I’m going to try to do better about seasonal d├ęcor.  I think it’s a great childhood anchor and I WILL do better.
I have seen huge changes in our family dynamics!  Some of it has been forced and some of it has simply been a result of the changes, but it’s all good.  I am overwhelmed w/ how thankful I am to be able to stay home w/ them everyday again.  I am motivated to be the mother that I MUST be again.  And most wonderful and importantly I am in LOVE with my children again!  I enjoy being around them and look forward to doing things with them.  I have more confidence as a Mommy and am seeing results in the kids from my efforts.  Being a parent is SO HARD.  That was where my focus was.  It overwhelmed me.  But now I feel up to the challenge.  I feel more equipped and able to focus on the blessings they are and the goals I have for them!!!  And we are that much closer to being the family we want to be. :)

1 comment:

Amy S. said...

Love the idea of each child having their own week! I think we will have to use that in our family. Such a simple idea but can make a huge difference! Loved your Valentines Day card. Jon said, "What a great idea!!" Hope you and the baby are well!!


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