This pregnancy has been interesting in the since of how busy I have kept myself. I've been so focused on getting things ready that I really have neglected getting myself ready. I think it's been my subconscious way of denying the inevitable! Well, on Thursday I started having contractions at about 1 in the morning and I absolutely panicked! I know this is my fourth pregnancy but that doesn't change the uncertainty and pain that accommodate all deliveries. I was scared to death! I wasn't ready. Well, the contractions spaced out and let up and by 5am I was back to sleep and knew I'd had a "false start." That's never happened to me b/f but it was just what I needed. In those four hours I thought and prayed so much. I got to the place I needed to be w/ labor. The place where I could think rationally and have peace.
You will keep in perfect peace,
whose mind is stayed on you,
b/c he trusts in You.
I can have peace about labor pains and uncertainties b/c I trust in Him and I know that's He's the one in control. The perspective from my other three deliveries is helpful in the since that I've lived through the pain, when the baby's out it's over, and when the baby is out I will be able to hold our child! But that doesn't change the fact that all deliveries are different and no amount of planning on my part will determine how things will go. That's ok. It's a good thing that I'm not in control. To be honest, I don't really want to be in control! However, sometimes it's harder to have faith than others. I'm not looking forward to the pain, but at the moment, I'm able to keep it in perspective b/c I have finally taken the time to speak w/ the Master and acknowledge my faith in Him and my total reliance upon Him.
So, I'm ready. I'm ready physically and mentally. I pray that I'll be able to maintain this level of peace throughout the delivery. I don't want to be afraid! I want to be confident in myself and in Him. I hope to be in the Spirit the whole time and focus on the presence of God and the purpose of the pain instead of the presence of pain! When will all this happen? Tis one of life's mysteries. Suzannah keeps asking me when the baby will come. I don't know, but it's getting closer. God is in control! God is in control! God is in control. I can't plan the when or the how, but He's already got it planned out!
But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
it's leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.
I don't really have anything planned for the rest of the week. The kids have been begging me to take them to the pool. HA! Can you imagine the site! We'll see if I cave, but it would be a most humbling experience! :) I'm going to take it easy and tie up a few loose ends as I can but not break my back. I'm ready for this child to come out of my body and into our family! Please keep me in your prayers. I'll keep you posted.